Haloweeeeeeeeeeen

Richard Dawkins died yesterday. But then came back after God rose him from the dead. Amazing tales!

Gay Mormon weddings? Yeah. Well, one, and it's a heart-warming read.

Rodney Anonymous has a new Aid or Invade and some new Dead Milkmen footage from Sunday night's show - he'll be here in a week folks! Who else is going to Fun Fun Fun Fest? (I'm going soley for the Milkmen...)

Watch out for people in the broccoli! I wish I designed food packages so I could hide faces and non-sense in the boxes. I think it's awesome and everyone should do it.

Holy fuck, if you haven't been watching this season of Kenny Vs Spenny, get the fuck on it. It's been great so far with only two episodes - who can keep a dump in their pants the longest and who can bone the most chicks. Hilarity ensues!

Despite my graphic choices, I votarded for him

Actually, Just Don't Vote. This man from REASON tells you why. Or let this woman tell you why she doesn't. It's too late for me this year, but maybe next year I'll be more apathetic.

Seems like a bunch of MIT students (212, to be exact) took a quiz to see what needs to be done to fix global warming, and 84% of them answered wrong. Seems like we need to do a lot or we (as we know us) are fucked. Oh well, water's cool. I'd like to think I do my small parts to conserve. As far as my 'carbon footprint' I make up for a lot of my stink-car by not eating meat, which actually saves a lot more CO2 than many other things. So look, I'm actually better than you. Usually. Not that I'm one to buy into fears and such, like terrorism or sodomy, but I think the government should probably be doing things to ensure we can still breathe in a few years.

Check out this totally awesome Online Opium Museum! It rocks my socks off and makes me wish I was packing a massive bowl of opium right now. And always...

Holy shit I just finished the last three episodes of Rome season 1 all in a row last night (Interpursed with me studying for my Broker's license). Wow. That show is/was amazing; I guess a $100 million budget will make anything awesome. But just wow, what a brilliant and amazing show. Also, Lyndsey Marshal as Cleopatra is totally on my top three women I'll fantasize about but never actually have sex with. Or at least top 5. Yee-owza. For some reason, (SPOILER ALERT: In case you don't know Roman history or went to middle school) when they kill Ceaser it reminded me of when I killed that chicken a while back. Weird. The blood, maybe?

Tuesday afternoon

It looks Like one of my favorite artists is finally getting his due - there is an R.Crumb Exhibit in Philly. I love just about all his work, with my personal favorite of his gracing the area above my toilet at present. (The Little Man Who Lives Inside My Head) Sounds like a great time, if only the damn teleporter worked. Oh Philly, you provided us with the Dead Milkmen and an R.Crumb show. All hail the the city of Brotherly Love!

Interested in numbers? Learn more about the 11/23 enigma! If you know me, you know I'm obsessed with 23's. But that's nothing special or new, as you can read. Whoopity.

So I found out how I wanna die - weighing almost 500 pounds, covered in my own filth and feces, and fused to a couch. Hooray for TV and fast food! I found this on my new favorite morbid site Aint No Way To Go. Too bad it's not been updated since 2004...

They have found drug use amongst 1200 year old ancient mummies. Well, they probably (but not definatly...) alive when they did the ayahuasca. This just goes to show how long (basically forever) drugs have been a part of our world and culture. Even the one year old baby had traces for crissakes. Breast milks, whatever. Damn junkies.

Monday - 'tis not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church-door; but 'tis enough, 'twill serve

Happy Extermination Day! What's that, you might say? Well, it's the day, back in 1838, when the governator of Missouri said 'Hey you wacky-ass Mormons - get off my lawn. OR DIE.' Yes, the head honcho of the Loser state publically proclaimed that any Mormons who remained in his state be put to death. Or, as they said back then - "... the Mormons must be treated as enemies, and must be exterminated or driven from the State if necessary for the public peace—their outrages are beyond all description." So, they loaded up the truck and they moved to Beverly. Hills, that is. Can you imagine these days if we had that kinda power? How cool would it be to be like, "Hey, all scientologists, you got 24 hours to get your rich white asses out of this state, lestwise we pump your backside so full of lead ya'll gonna need tweezers to pull 'em out for months. Also we might kill you." Yep, those were the good ole days...(Hat tip to Rogues Gallery for the Extermination info!)

I mean, how do you top that?

NUKES. They top everything, motherfucker. And this link has a ton of pictures from the 50's, when it was cool to nuke the everliving shit out of islands and islanders. So damn cool.

So this weekend, due to the blogosphere buzz and my own curiosity, I started reading 'Watchmen'. I found a nice torrent of it at le bay des pirates, and am on chapter 10, near the end. If the movie is 1/2 as cool as this graphic novel, then we are all in luck - unfortunatly, it's being directed by the same asshat who made 300. So it might suck. But read the damn comic book - it's from 1986 and it's totally fresh and awesome, even in today's world. According to me. Also, there is plenty of blue penis. (NOW IN HD!!) (Dr. Manhatton rarely wears clothes. I wouldn't either, if I had his 'condition'.) Anyways, as someone who doesn't read much (if any) comics, these were fantastic.

It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.

John Andrew Holmes

Happy Mole Day / 23rd

I voted. Hey, what if someone re-enacted the whole election as a D&D game? That would be kinda dorky, and less cool than the first few lines would have us expect. Oh, and what's this I hear? A brand-spanking new episode of Kenny Vs. Spenny? Hooray 23rd! Holy mother of Christ on a jumping-springboard, it's Mole Day! Happy Mole Day, happy 23rd, Hail Eris! In honor of today's day, make sure to ingest a mole of your favorite chemical.

The other day, one of my co-workers said 'We are in Awesome, TX' - at least that's what I heard. Except, if this place was really that awesome, I bet we would have a lot more edible foliage. Like trees made out of candy and shit of that nature. Austin is pretty cool. I still miss a beach, though. Nothing is made of candy here except the candy.

Remeber Mr. Green Genes, the glowing cat, from yesterday? Well check out this video!

Hey does anyone have a new job for me?


[EDIT] Sorry, forgot to publish this t'other day...

'Eye Have A Dream' or 'Eye Scream for Eye Cream'

What an exciting day of human activity and nonsense! Why not start your day off on a foot of some sort, perhaps fresh from sleeping with your big stuffed fish? Yes, why not? WHY NOT INDEED. I watched the last few episodes of Home Movies last night. You simply must watch them all. What a brilliant show, I'm gonna miss it. You won't miss, however, this fucking flourescant glowing cat!

So according to two people I know, I have a stye in my eye. It sucks. I want it to go away. Methinks it's something worse, and I'll probably end up dead or blind because of it, but I'm an optimist and shit ever so. It is more of an irritant than anything else. Oh and it's ugly as sin to look at up close in a mirror, which is the only way I can see it, since it's in my fucking eye.

Durf durf durf I've been updating my twitter with random irregularity latey - join me in my quest for followers (who will buy the book I will one day sell, assuming I do write it and all.) If you aren't on this shitty cocksmoking bandana ride, don't get on. Just find something else to do.

Oh hai, looks like McCain finally got an endorsmnet to be proud of - Al Qaeda. Too bad I can't spell endorsment properly. Or anything, for that matter.

Wal*Mart - increasing the quality and safety of Chinese imports? Apparently, yes. Well, somewhat. Don't go blowing your whole paycheck there or anything just yet. Oh, too late?

OH IT'S ALSO TYPE IN ALL CAPS DAY TOO. BE SURE TO DO THAT. IT'S AWESOME, DUDE. THANKS GRANDPA!

Brekkers of Champions! or: The Children's Children's Crusade

For brekkers today, I had this HEB brand hippy-shit cereal with Whole Wheat(tm) and berries and shit. And chocolate Soy Milk. It was,as the French say, Awesome. 'Brekkers', if you didn't know and couldn't catch on from the 'context clues' is 'breakfast'. So now you know how to speak Holeandase. At least I'm not hooked on WOW, like the protagonist of this enthralling short narative on McSweeny's.

On the topic of awesome, might I recommend my friend wingnutmagnet's fine hand-crafted online store Unencumbered? C'mon, she's got a baby to support and a house to fix up pretty. Buy some nice things for yourself, or if you aren't a greedy bastard, your loved one(s).

I finally watched finished the new Batman last night. I wish people wouldn't say 'ZOMG that was teh awesomest movie evar111!!!!!' when it was just about mediocore. I mean, it was OK. Not great. Sloan is a better actor/Joker than Heath Ledger, and he's still alive. Also, too much talky-talk, the fight scenes were lame as fuck, and, well, I was expecting a masterpiece but got a movie I fell asleep trying to watch twice.

Along those same lines, I've also been having trouble really enjoying 'True Blood' from HBO. I mean, the show is good. But just not HBO-good, at least not yet. I keep watching every whenever the hell I watch it in hopes it'll get better. I've got lots of faith that it can, but I've yet to see it in action. My good buddyfriend Sky and I disagree somewhat, see what he says. And it is better than network TV anyways, and I still have hope - but I want it delivered.

Today I discovered a great little site that I dub Cracked Lite, but bills itself as ty.rannosaur.us. Check out these Five Perverted Writers (and five more!) along with 10 Famously Ugly People and the like. Check it out. These list things I love for some reason. I also learned about my new favorite Greek God follower(s) - Silenus.

This is older but still awesome - Dan Aykroyd's Crystal Head Vodka. I'm sure it's tasty like a teat and the bottle is worth more than my life in mineral value. Chickenshit! Says this man's sign.

Also, Microsoft has announced that today is Global Anti-Piracy Day. Who gives a fuck? I'm gonna pirate even more than usual. I mean, if I did that kinda thing. Which I don't. Why not watch this chick embryo develop instead?

Monday Monday. La la Mon-daaaaaaaaaaay.

This weekend was Maker Faire, much fun was had as usual.

Look, people have been eating drugs forever. Or, at least since the stone age.

Speaking of old stoners, a 90 year old couple was recently arrested for legally growing pot in California. They lost all thier money and weed, and then didn't get charged with anything.

Obligatory 'Hey Go Vote You Asshole' - Today is that start of Early Voting in Texas and probably elsewhere too. This link will tell you where you can go to vote.

Ow my fucking teeth

Does anyone know a good cheap dentist in Austin? My teeth hurt something awful and I'd liken to remove them with plyers iffin' I knew whats I was doing. But alas, I don't, so I suffer.

Check out this awesome Magical Gecko Glue! It's like glue, but made from ground-up gecko feet. Mwa ha ha, take that Geico. (Note: Not actually made of ground up geckos)

Last night I replaced the firmware on my fourth generation iPod (it was given to me a while back in Denton. Sort of. It's a long story.) Anyhoo, I've always hated the kinda retarded iEverything setup. RockBox is an awesome open source program that changes it into a useful file system. Oh yeah, and games, themes, plugins, and all manor of cool. Basically it makes the iPod into a portable HD that plays music (and 5th gen and above, all .avi's and shit too!) Man, I just got it an d I love it. Easy breezy install, massive improvement on the OS, and no more iTunes/alternates. Yippy! Tons more info and a HatTip to LifeHacker.

This weekend is Maker Faire; I will hopefully be working with the American Chemical Something with my pal Beebs. Look for us. Maybe I'll have a labcoat on, but it's ever so dirty...

Do I have any 9/11 Troofers who read this blog? Maybe? Kinda? I usterbee one of them. But then I pulled the sily from my ears and read things like this massive dialouge between a troofer and a rational human being. And then think again, dear human. Government is really, really awful and bad, but if we have learned one thing, they are dumb as rocks, not competent enough to pull any type of massive conspiracy. Well, maybe, but not in this case methinks.

Words

It's been a busy time here at the Olde Worlde Preztele Shoppe Ande Backerye. Yes, it's that time of the year where everyone is in a rush to provide the softest, saltiest, splantafic twisted treats to all thier good grand-children. This year, we have a new product - the Model T. It's like a pretzel, but to save precious moments, it's already in the shape of a T. Which, according to our crack team of Preztologists, is the most convientant way to consume a slice of pie.

Be sure to order yours today! Contact 1-800-EatTwistedBreadWithSaltAndPreservativesAndShit. And wait, there's more! Order before 11:51 AM on today and you will receive a free Pepsi(tm) can!


P.S. I'm alive, busy, etc. One day soon I'll crack down and post better. I'm still catching up on my 1000+ Google Reader(tm) shits. And fucking 87 Chat messages? For real? WTF. Good to see some of you at Myschievia, if you missed it you suck.

Dancing Chickens and such

Behold! A dancing chicken!

Holy hell, batman! Look, it's The cutest thing ever!

Magic Puking Panda Pukes Up Pictures!

So latley I've rediscovered the Joys of Balsamic Vinegar. I put it on everything I eat now. I also got this 'Infused with Pomegranite' type because it was on sale - it kicks ass. I really will just douse bread with it and eat it yum yum yum into my tum tum tum style.

Also on the walk I just took around my work area, I found an uprooted Agave plant. Time to take it home and see if I can rescue the hell out of it.

Remeber: “We Are The Ones We Have Been Waiting For.” — Pueblo saying

P.S. New job sucks balls, please find me another one.

In Sickness and in Health...

I feel the cold hand of death at my shoulder...Really, I haven't been this sick for so long and in so much pain for a long time. Fluish or plaugish, whatever. I wanna do nothing but sleep, which is all I've done after work for the last three days - but I still come in because I need the money. Damnit I wish I could see a doctor. Anyhoo, despite my work and my sickness, here's some crap to read and see and shit.

This weekend is the last time you can but tickets for Myschievia, North Texas' Regional Burn. I'll be there, come visit the K-Hole you bitches.

Oh man, this is awesome - Kung Fu Election. Mortal Kombat, but with Obama and McCain and Enraged Cunt Palin and friends.

I haven't watched the debates yet, but from the blog-o-sphere it seems hands-down that Biden 'won'. Well gee, if you are going against Palin, how can you not? Gosh golly gee darn. (I hear she sounds like that. God I hate her voice. Can you imagine fucking that? Yikes...) Anyhoo, check out this picture. Someone done got rickrolled...

Be sure to check out the 2008 IgNobel Awards - the awards for useless science. This year it's all about potatoe chips, fleas, and strings. Yippy.

Darwin@Home - run evolution simulations on your computer's free time! "Darwin at Home is an open source software project that aims to bring the process of evolution into your computer at home so that you can see it working."

If some homeless guy says he's a doctor so he can finger your snatch a few times a day, should it really take your suspicious boyfriend a week to question it?

Blogging @ work is hard if you actually have to work...

The new job prohibits me from updating as much as I'd like too, as you can see. But in the mean time, until I find a new job (I have a great prospect lined up, and it's a from home job too! Yippy!) uh, here are some damn links to follow. And two pictures of people riding dinosaurs. One of them might be our president some day. Future President Jesus, I salute you!

Lots of great Anti-Plain links can be found here.

Great new web comic - Rehabilitating Mr Wiggles - Thank you Michelle!

A Nation of Conspiracy Theorists?

Play Palin Bingo tonight!

Palin Speaks