Happy Magic Thursday

Enjoy your magical Thursday, Americans - for soon the turkey uprising will occur, and suffer shall ye, like dogs I say! Watch this dancing turkey while you stuff your face full of carcass.

Hey, here is an article about wiping your ass, and the big debate: which is better, paper or water? (i.e. American style or Asian style?) It's not all happy - they then get into the whole 'aren't you glad you have a real toilet to use? And then drop things like 'Diarrhea still kills more children under 5 than HIV/AIDS, tuberculosis or malaria.' Why can't we keep toilets for humor?

Here's Ten Things to be happy for if you aren't a Republican. If you are, I probably won't be eating with you.

Deep Fried Wednesday Carney Food

Deep fried Twinkies? Deep fried Coke? Nah, fuck that! Try Deep Fried Beer Foam. It's...something. Not that I want to eat it, but it's a good thing science is around for us.

Since I can't let sleeping dogs lie, or stop beating a dead horse - check out yet another Mormon who is against Prop. 8. Her son was gay, and then - try and top this, Jesus freaks - got killed in the 9/11 Super Terror Terror Terror Blow Up Shit day. Keep up the great fight, Alice.

Familer with 'Toothpaste for Dinner' or 'Married to the Sea' or 'Natalie Dee'? Drew and Natalie, the ironic hipster webcomic couple, had a baby! With a tremendously long, funny, enlightening blog! This makes me want to have seven or eight children, for the shear joy of childbirth. Just don't let your kid put your keys into his brain somehow.

Russia invades Venezuela! Well, they are just docking war ships in ports. It's the first time Russian war boats have been deployed in the Americas since the Cold War. Hugo Chavez and pals have purchased over $4 billion worth of weapons and shit, so maybe that's what the personal visit is for.

Odd Q&A with former evil puppetmaster Karl Rove (link pilfered from Boingboing)

Death from whippets? Looks like it...I'm not sure how. Be careful, folks. I mean, even the Buddah died - probably not from overdosing on NO2 - but they might have found part of his skull in Nanjing. Might make a neato charm bracelet or something.

Fuck Applebee's. I hope they lose this lawsuit of their so-called 'healthy options' which, as it turns out, have more fat than the regular items. Nice job, assholes. Man, I hate that place. Sky, did you find a new job yet? Batman better watch out; maybe that's how he will die...

Finally here is some dogs playing poker.

Harry Link Dump Pottrer and the Too Much TV

Haha Hitler eating watermelon. Oh internets, you are so clever!

Bush pardons Leonard Peltier! Well, not really, but Reason tricked the shit out of me anyway, sneaky bastards. This is the fellow I voted for President in 2004. He has been wrongfully arrested in federal prison for over 30 years with no chance of parole or anything. The least that stupid fuck Bush could do is pardon him. Bastards.

Just yesterday I caught a trailer for a movie that captured my bloodshot eyes - 'Special' - the trailer is available here. This is the kind of movie I think I could adore; except, as has been pointed out in the POETV forums, we know know the beginning, middle, and end of the movie already. Someone's review described it as 'donnie darko meets superman' - I can bite into that.

A Real Cunt,No (I.E. Anne Coulter) finally is forced to shut up. Haha, stupid, worthless woman. Hope you enjoy having your mouth closed for once.

Giant trained rats will soon take care of all our troubles. I don't know about you guys, but I approve of our furry new overlords. Oh wait, it's just to have them get blown up on land mines? And sniff out cases of TB? Well shit, count me in!

True Blood had it's series finale last night. Since it just got added to the dictionary, I'll say 'meh'. It was OK. That's all I'll say. For an HBO show, it really lacks everything I want to see. Yeah, there is blood, but not HBO blood and violence. Yeah, there is sex, but not HBO sex. And acting? C'mon, the only one worth a damn on that show is the guy who played E.B. Farnum on Deadwood. (Which I will finish tonight. After clockwork..damn, another excellent show that could have gone on and on.) Everyone on the show is a whiney bitch. And when they introduce new charactors, they are all whiney bitches. (I.E. New vampire chick? 'Look at me, I'm suddenly a bitchy whine-box!' Really? C'mon!) So, if you want to see a semi-decent vampire show not aimed at pre-teens (I'm looking at you, Twilight!) check it out - the whole season is available on the tubes in different places. Don't expect decent HBO quality or you will be disappointed; but if you want something that is at least quasi-entetaining with a cajon feel and really, one of the best intros to a show since Dexter, check out True Blood. Otherwise, save your time for watching re-runs of Who's the Boss.

Speaking of TV shows, I watched the first episode of Firefly last night. Again, 'meh'. I'm no fan of Joss Whedon, but I want to give this show a chance, since I do love Sci-Fi and I hear it's brilliant. It's gonna be hard to upset Battlestar Galactica as 'Best Sci-Fi Show Since DS9' but...I'm open.

Oh! For the first time in memory I didn't get to title my blog 'Happy JFK Gets His Head Blown Off Day' because I wasn't near a computer on Saturnday. So I passed my broker's exam! Hurrah! Here, watch the Zapruder film to celebrate!

Oh happy days.

In the economy, times are so rough that even rich people are spending less on their mistresses. Ye gods, what is this world coming too when the very rich have to stop sending diamond encrusted crotchless panties to 19-year-old herpes ridden call girls? Yikes. Things are lookin' shitty. So far, the government has pledged 7.2 Trillion for the bailout. Maybe they can use some of it...

Looks like our old pal marijuana has been shown to help the aging brain by reducing inflammation and encouraging new growth. Well, specific chemicals. They don't come right out and say 'Hey get high when you're old and you got nothing to worry about' but that's how I'm interrupting it... Great quote: “It’s not that everything immoral is good for the brain. It’s just that there are some substances that millions of people for thousands of years have used in billions of doses, and we’re noticing there’s a little signal above all the noise,” said Gary Wenk, professor of psychology at Ohio State and principal investigator on the research.


P.S. Have I mentioned lately that my job is quickly killing me? It's so fucking time to move on...

Friday, The Lord's Day, Is Not For Fornication. Especially SODOMY.

This is just totally awesome. As you may know, the Mormons perform what they call 'Baptisms for the Dead' which is basically converting dead people to Mormonism. Proxy-Baptisms for dead people - I've actually done this years and years ago when I was a member. Recently some Jews got a little upset because they were baptizing people who died in the Holocaust. Anyhoo, there is a new movement - Converting dead Mormons to homosexuals.

Say Hooray for fellow Texans - looks like a number of people turned out to support science the last few days. 90 people testified in front of the school board - and only one was pro-creationist who showed up. Hooray.

Watch out, Canada! You've got meteorites! Or at least mysterious massive flashes of light that can be seen for miles around. KABOOM! SWOOSH! ZOOM!

This weekend is EAST - The East Austin Studio Tour - and our beloved Where?House is going to be featured. Come by for snacks and art and bullshittery! We are # 84 on the damn map. I don't know how much I'll actually be there - I've got clockwork to do and a fucking real estate broker's exam - but I'm sure an appearance will be made, art gazed upon, and beer drunk. Look forward to seeing those of you in the area, in the area.

Oh fuckall, someone got caught with 20 pounds of weed in Dripping Springs. First the fucking vodka plant blows up, and now this? Dammit Dripping Springs, I've lost all hope for you.

Link Dumpster Diving

Work on the Clock to burn on New Years is in progress - reports are available here at communityartmakers.com. Speaking of things Burning, please find my list of Alternate Flipside Themes below:

Alternates to 'Freakalicious Safari' :

• Bea Arthur Takes A Drive Through the Jungle Shooting Queers
• Freaktard Buttfuckery
• Cotton Candy Diarrhea
  
• Homeless Suicide Bomber Extreme
  
• Gee, Let's Have Another Tiki-esqe Theme Fellas
  
• Sloan's Sloany Sloan Time
  
• Calling One's Self a Freak Does Not Make One So
• Give Twitch All Your Drugs
• Dumber Than Green Man
  

Well. It's a start...

Holy shit, gmail finally got skins! Er, I'm sorry, they are 'themes'. I guess now I can uninstall gmail redesigned now. The planet theme they have now is kinda neat. Also, terminal!

Remember that fuzzy gremlin-furby thing from yesterday? Well, over at Zooillogix, there is a contest to see what it really looks more like. Jabba the hutt? Maybe...

Now for your viewing pleasure - The Bridge, a movie about the Golden Gate bridge, which happens to have the highest suicide rate in the world. I wonder what draws people there to jump? The shitty city and enticing water? Review by shrinks here...

Ever wondered why ants get along? IE why they don't kill each other over the chance to fuck one another? Why 'One Queen, millions of peons'? Well, Darwin had a theory - and it's been proven correct. A special chemical causes the non-breeding ants to effectively never think about sex. Super. Great for them. I'll take my incessant masturbation any day.

ZOMG optical illusions, these never get old. Oh wait. Sometimes they do.

Another brilliant artist I've just came across. His work in the new Darklore is amazing. Well, reminiscent of Alex Grey, but who isn't in today's drug art world?

I take my real Estate Broker's Exam Saturday morning at fucking 8:30 AM. Shit. Shit. Shit. Study study study study. Hurrah!

HippoTag Vinderschon Abschlauze Morgan

House Bill 164 provides for medical marijuana defense in Texas - please support it. Find out how you can help here. This isn't the ideal solution, but it's better than Texas' present laws. As it stand, the jury can't hear any defense at all based on a medical case. While this bill still allows patients to be arrested and tried, at least now there is a usable defense.

Now, back from extinction! Check out this furry sack of gremlin! It's like a living furby.
Kevin Trudeau is now banned for three years from making infomercials. What a horrible punishment to bestow upon someone! For shame! He's famed for the 'Natural Cures THEY don't want you to know about' and other bullshit. Hooray FDA for doing something right for once.

People around the world seem to drink alcohol more often than they report. And more illegally, or non-commercially anyways. This seems kinda obvious to me. I guess there are some people who drink only in bars, but really? And it causes World-wide repercussions. Hooray.

Finally, the company I work for has stock that keeps dropping lower and lower... It's been in the 40's all day. Stupid company. I really, really need a new job. I doth believe this one is killing me from the inside out and my body is rejecting it. So is the economy, looks like. Anyhoo, any recommendations? I might try freelanceing...Let's see.

It's hard to think of things

Still don't understand how the economy took such a shit on us all? Well, this wonderful site went and made some wonderful graphical representations for us all to look upon and educate ourselves.
Ah, my crappy company where the stock prices are not at 0.64 a share - you know things are awesome when my work loses their company plane! Poor guys, I really feel for them. For the last few weeks they have been sending out weekly "Hey we are fucked, stop wasting money and start working. Oh shit oh shit oh shit..." How are they going to get around without a private jet anymore? Corporate Airplane: While a special convenience for many of our clients and a convenient asset for many of our road-warrior executives, this is an expensive asset which is a "nice-to-have" and not a "must-have". Our decision is to sell the plane. In the interim while we look for a buyer, we will ground the plane unless it is cost efficient (8+ occupants) to use it for client and business travel.


What happens when a huge taxidermy display place goes up in flames? Crispy critters, that's what. Poor things, dead twice, like vampires.

What happens when women get older? Do they get bitchier or less bitch-infused? This study finds out once and for all... Speaking of things that should have been proven, how about acupunture? It works, right? Oh...

A Modest Upheaval

Another fine mess we've gotten us into, looks like. Junk DNA? I mean, wasn't the world supposed to end like eight years ago or some shit? Right after the Mexicans flew those buses into the big tower in New Jersey? Wine Belevins? Something about digital readouts and flux computastors. Infatuation with a purpose - perhaps - someday, comingling the funds that splashed about in the pocks of Joe Sixpack, spreading wealth and love despire the challanges of hope, an audacity that none can compete. Fish-eye lens.

Magical miracle cure for HIV and aging and everything. Wow, thanks China. It is an extract from some Chinese plant and works by rebuilding and repairing DNA. Obviously, it's magic. But if you want to prevent cancer, make sure to cut back on the red meat. Because eating red meat increases your chances of tumour growth. Meanwhile, you might be thinking that drinking that foul smelling, expemnsive Kombucha might be great for you. While I admit the taste is appealing and when I'm feeling rich I'll plop the three bucks down for a bottle, kombucha ultimatly lacks scientific evidence. And apparantly some people have died/gotten sick from the home-brew ones, so watch out, Utica.

If you are gonna be a French gay man whore, make sure to wear condoms. That's always good advice. Also, animated man-on-man action is totally awesome in my book. If you aren't a regular on POE-TV you should be - it's a great way to spend a few minutes each day watching evil video clips. Portal of Evil is a site I've been lurking on for years. Literly. Like,

Brand new Watchmen trailer for your enjoyment. This one actually makes me want to see it. (Read it, it's great!) Not all remakes are good though - the new Inspector Gadget is going to fight ghosts. And no Brain. And Penny is a two-bit whore.

Thursday. It's like Friday, Lite.

Will the election of Obama help or hurt the war on freedom drugs? Well, it looks much better than the McCain outlook (which is all I can usually say, really) but he seems to have backed off his decriminalization of pot stance he supported in 2004, but at least he's pledged to stop Federal raids on medical users and providers. That's a relief. Speaking of good pot laws, HOORAY for Michigan! They just became the 13th state to legalize medical marijuana. Great job, citizens!


But not everyone is happy in this land of peaches and gravy. Chuck Norris is pissed off at Obama - find out why with clever commentary. The Mormon's stance on Prop 8 is pissing everyone off. This lady even quit the church because of it. I would too, except I did 13 years ago already...

So here's 10 Mistakes that are Killing Your (my?) blog. I'm pretty sure I hit all 10.

Pisspoor Movie Review and Other Bullshit

Sheesh, Austin-Chat is a clusterfuck lately. I can't keep my hands out of that pie. Yum yum. Still looking for a new job - after I get some finicial stability I think I might try freelancing for a while - or working part time and doing that. This job is killing me and it sucks balls. Also, the company stock is in the shitter hardcore 68 cents a share at present. Furthermore, it provides me simply not enough time to update here for you reader lovlies.

Hey look, Eris is acting wonky. Imagine that. Along the line of made up religions, my uncle sent me a link to the Book of Zelph, yet another testiment to the Jesus Christ mythos, Book of Mormon style. Maybe that's just funny to Ex-Mormons, I donno. Hey, since Mormons are boycotted now, wanna join in on the massive nationwide protest of anti-gay-wedding laws? (Oh wait it just moved here.)

So did anyone else happen to endure the travesty of motion picture that was 'Postal'? I know, I shouldn't expect too much on any movie based on a video game. And a horrible one at that. The one thing that appealed to me about Postal was the senseless violence and gore and pointlessness of it, and it got old after a few minutes. Did Uwe Boll think he could make it work? Well, it was worse than horrible. The one 'pro' would have to be the brief unexpected Dave Foley penis shot. Oh, by the way, this movie has Dave Foley in it. And you get to see his weiner for a while. That in itself is almost worth downloading the movie. It's cool, it happens about 15 minutes into it. Then you can stop watching. The rest of this mess is so bad that Uwe Boll cameos himself and gets beaten up by the maker of Postal the game. Kinda meta, but it doesn't work. Worthless as a movie, but worth watching for KiTH genitals. I give this movie a -7 because if it were gorier and less retarded I might have liked it. Fuck you, Uwe Boll.

Oh yeah, Happy Armistace Day. It would also have been Vonnegut's birthday, but he had his peephole closed by a faulty brain. RIP Vonnegut. We miss you, and it's a shame you didn't live to see the day when America would have made you (sorta) proud. I think you would have reclaimed the country that abandoned you and the rest of us for so long. But hey, nothing's actually different just yet, so I'll let you know how things turn out when we meet again at the Rainbow Bridge.

Rockin' Fun Weekend -

Well holy shit this weekend's Dead Milkmen show was the best one I've been to in over a decade. Man, what a fucking blast - everyone rocked ass. It was really amazing. There is a ton of footage on Youtube you should check out, but it can't be as cool as actually being there all sweaty and stinky and surrounded by like rabid fans. Hooray Milkmen!

So it appears someone cured AIDS in a person via bone marrow transplant - for real. That's some pretty amazing shit right there. A black president and a cure for AIDS in the same week? Why did California ban gay marriage then? What a weird planet this is. There is still time to Boycott Utah though.

Fry-Day

So this weekend is Town Hall for Flipside - come out and see themes and people and shit. I'll be there, Brother Hole will be there, all your friends and enemies and others will be there too. With booze. Oh yeah, it's at the warehouse, starting at 1:23 on Saturnday. Be there, or be square!

Then after that is Fun Fun Fun Fest, with the Dead Milkmen! Seriously. Totally can't wait to see my favorite band play live for the first time. Excitement! Pleasure! Awesome!

After that there is a party. Somewhere. There must be! Don't you wish you lived in Austin?

Sonic Hedgehog gene controls brain development. (I can't make this shit up.)

True Blood has started to become watchable and enjoyable. (It only took 8-9 episodes)

P.S. This week and most of next week I'm using most my free work time to finish my studying for my broker's license. So after then I'll have better posts. Maybe.

Barack Obama does not fart cinnamon-scented rainbows.

We elected someone. It wasn't me, this time. I mean, well, for once, someone I voted for won, which is a good thing. But I'm just not shitting my pants with happiness just yet. It's cool, yeah hooray whoopity doo dah. But I think John Scalzi has a number of great points on his blog as to why, although this is a great victory, it's not all unicorns and rainbows yet. As he puts it - "Barack Obama does not fart cinnamon-scented rainbows. He is not trailed by angels and unicorns. Reality does not reshape itself to his wishes. Dude’s a human being, and a politician, and he’s going to have to work with other human beings who are also politicians." But yeah, I'm slightly happy - infinity much more so than if Evil Old Robot man had won. Since everyone that has a blog is writing about the election today, let's veer away from that ship and steer where Thar Be Monsters.

In local Austin news, Proposition 2 seems to be...up in the air. I really hope this thing passes. Fuck giving $60 million to assholes with malls. And fuck the 'keep Austin's Word' that sounds like a retarded abstinance education motto, and co-opting the Keep Austin Weird logo, a real bitch move. Damn malls and domains and subsidies and all those things too. Damn them. [UPDATE; Shit, it failed. :( ]

Short: Mondy is now too busy to blog during. Fuck you, work.

Bolvia to US: Get the US out of our Anus! Bolivia boots American drug warriors from country. Take that, drug war!


And now why fly research is important:



My problem is that, with the two-party system, you only get to vote against one candidate in each race.
- G. Armour Van Horn