The most wonderful thing about Tuesday is the 'Ues'.

First of all, you simply must see the progress on the clock! Holy bezowbers cool, you say? Why yes, my good sir or ma'am, it is bezowbers cool. Not as cool as say, getting all fucked up on GHB and extracting 18 of your teeth with pliers, but almost. Also, unrelated in any way, shape or form, dogs can feel envy. And my friends, and fellow patriots, always, always remeber that "There's nothing more natural than a beaver."

Seems there is a justice boom somewhere in the world - the Wonderful World of Television, that is. According this this entertaining and enlightening article, there are now over a dozen - and they are a mockery of real justice because every so-called judge is nothing more than an arbitrator. Anyways, check out lines like "Explicitly moral, obscenely didactic, showcasing a perversely distorted view of the American legal system, justice porn is a potent, ubiquitous presence in our lives, and at least as influential as the cartoon mayhem of Saints Row 2 or Young Jeezy's latest ode to thug life." Thank you, Reason!

Hey, I've got a great idea. Since old people are so good at everything else and don't fuck up everything, let's give them guns! Guns they can use with withered, arthritic fingers to shoot minorites that happen to stroll by the nursing home. True Story: A few days ago I was walking around, minding my own business, and I passed an old people building with some people out front. If they had had a gun, I'm sure they would have blown my fucking brains all out. Old people: Don't trust them. They will try to kill you at some point, probably to drink you blood because they think that will make them younger. Stunning Fact: Old people are immune to garlic and often shit themselves. Who do you trust?

Stolen from Boingboing / this guy.

Deep Fried Wednesday Carney Food

Deep fried Twinkies? Deep fried Coke? Nah, fuck that! Try Deep Fried Beer Foam. It's...something. Not that I want to eat it, but it's a good thing science is around for us.

Since I can't let sleeping dogs lie, or stop beating a dead horse - check out yet another Mormon who is against Prop. 8. Her son was gay, and then - try and top this, Jesus freaks - got killed in the 9/11 Super Terror Terror Terror Blow Up Shit day. Keep up the great fight, Alice.

Familer with 'Toothpaste for Dinner' or 'Married to the Sea' or 'Natalie Dee'? Drew and Natalie, the ironic hipster webcomic couple, had a baby! With a tremendously long, funny, enlightening blog! This makes me want to have seven or eight children, for the shear joy of childbirth. Just don't let your kid put your keys into his brain somehow.

Russia invades Venezuela! Well, they are just docking war ships in ports. It's the first time Russian war boats have been deployed in the Americas since the Cold War. Hugo Chavez and pals have purchased over $4 billion worth of weapons and shit, so maybe that's what the personal visit is for.

Odd Q&A with former evil puppetmaster Karl Rove (link pilfered from Boingboing)

Death from whippets? Looks like it...I'm not sure how. Be careful, folks. I mean, even the Buddah died - probably not from overdosing on NO2 - but they might have found part of his skull in Nanjing. Might make a neato charm bracelet or something.

Fuck Applebee's. I hope they lose this lawsuit of their so-called 'healthy options' which, as it turns out, have more fat than the regular items. Nice job, assholes. Man, I hate that place. Sky, did you find a new job yet? Batman better watch out; maybe that's how he will die...

Finally here is some dogs playing poker.