Oh! For the first time in memory I didn't get to title my blog 'Happy JFK Gets His Head Blown Off Day' because I wasn't near a computer on Saturnday. So I passed my broker's exam! Hurrah! Here, watch the Zapruder film to celebrate!

Oh happy days.

In the economy, times are so rough that even rich people are spending less on their mistresses. Ye gods, what is this world coming too when the very rich have to stop sending diamond encrusted crotchless panties to 19-year-old herpes ridden call girls? Yikes. Things are lookin' shitty. So far, the government has pledged 7.2 Trillion for the bailout. Maybe they can use some of it...

Looks like our old pal marijuana has been shown to help the aging brain by reducing inflammation and encouraging new growth. Well, specific chemicals. They don't come right out and say 'Hey get high when you're old and you got nothing to worry about' but that's how I'm interrupting it... Great quote: “It’s not that everything immoral is good for the brain. It’s just that there are some substances that millions of people for thousands of years have used in billions of doses, and we’re noticing there’s a little signal above all the noise,” said Gary Wenk, professor of psychology at Ohio State and principal investigator on the research.


P.S. Have I mentioned lately that my job is quickly killing me? It's so fucking time to move on...

It's hard to think of things

Still don't understand how the economy took such a shit on us all? Well, this wonderful site went and made some wonderful graphical representations for us all to look upon and educate ourselves.
Ah, my crappy company where the stock prices are not at 0.64 a share - you know things are awesome when my work loses their company plane! Poor guys, I really feel for them. For the last few weeks they have been sending out weekly "Hey we are fucked, stop wasting money and start working. Oh shit oh shit oh shit..." How are they going to get around without a private jet anymore? Corporate Airplane: While a special convenience for many of our clients and a convenient asset for many of our road-warrior executives, this is an expensive asset which is a "nice-to-have" and not a "must-have". Our decision is to sell the plane. In the interim while we look for a buyer, we will ground the plane unless it is cost efficient (8+ occupants) to use it for client and business travel.


What happens when a huge taxidermy display place goes up in flames? Crispy critters, that's what. Poor things, dead twice, like vampires.

What happens when women get older? Do they get bitchier or less bitch-infused? This study finds out once and for all... Speaking of things that should have been proven, how about acupunture? It works, right? Oh...

WE ARE DOOMED! Also, cake.

HEY YOU FUCKING RETARDS! Oh look, I used a controversial word, let's write a fucking article about it. Jeez, don't get so offended, douchebag!

Douchy douchebags, how we hate thee - such as Enraged Cunt Palin. ECP, as I call her, had her stupid Yahoo! account hacked. Wanna see? It's right over here on WikiLeaks! (As of...early ass this morning, the wikileaks site took a crap; probably because everyone in America wants to see her personal emails about having a retard baby and her other preggers child.) UPDATE: Some screen grabs and her contact list can be found here! Looks like everyone is finding out what a stupid cunt you are, Palin. Maybe you and McCain can go make retard babies in some other country.

Another country might be the place to be, as the US economy as a whole is fucked. It's a 'mixed bag' and shit... When the damn president is avoiding speaking to the public, things are fucked, eh? And fuck, looks like my bank WaMu is in big shit. I hope my money* is ok.

One of my faithful readers (Since there are like 5 of you, if you are reading this, than there is a 20% chance it's you. Thank you, College Algebra!) sent me a link to Badass Of The Week. It's a great site that reviews, well, different bad-asses. And it's updated once a week, imagine that! The writing style is beyond awesome and reminds me of myself. Take, for example, this line about Attila the Hun - "Attila and his brother inherited the Hun Empire in 433 after their father died for some reason nobody gives a shit about.". Or maybe this great one from the article about Jean Hatchet - "In June of 1472, Duke Charles the Bold of Burgundy was a fucking dickhead. He was such a complete and total jackass to everybody that the King of France had officially declared him a traitor to the crown, and Charles – who, like I just said, was a fucking assclown – got his panties in a wad about the whole thing, raised an army of douchebags and started turning the French countryside into a giant raging inferno of suck." It's educational and entertaining! And it will totally meet your qouta of cusses to regular words. Because it satisfied mine, goddamnit. The only downside I see is that this site needs an RSS feed - every site on the web should have a fuckin' RSS feed, so the only page I'd need to check (in theory) would be my lovely lady lumps. I mean my Google Reader. God bless you, google. Until you decided to not follow your motto and become evil. Well, some people already think you are... Also located on this site is the 'Miscellaneous Articles' section, where we find such classics as "Things I've Eaten For Money" and "The Unofficial Guide to Working at Staples". A great find.

And check this shit out: http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com. It's just what you think it is. A collection of passive aggressive notes. But they are brilliant and funny and remind of myself sometimes. As a person with more moods and random shifts in personality, sometimes I'm passive aggressive. Sometimes I'm regular agresive, sometimes I'm passive-passive. Whatever. Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who.

Toodles for now, dear reader persons.



P.S. MATT DAMON IS A DOUCHE! For real - he might not like E.C. Palin (who does? not Americans!) but Hollywood censors things all the damn time, just like banning books.

* - my account is actually negative right now, that'll fix those damn WaMu fucks!